How to find your heart: Let Him
Posted on: August 11, 2011
I’ve always found consolation not only in my paint brush or guitar, but also in my pen. I’ve always found joy in writing stories, but have always dreamed of writing my own love story.
I have loved, I have been hurt, I have forgiven, I have moved on. I have loved again and the cycle went on… but the story never came.
I realized the pen for a story as great as this should have never been in my hands. My God, it must be You, the true author I failed to recognize. And now I shall let You.
Me, on the other hand, shall be the best protagonist this script should ever have. Dumping fears and inhibitions, I shall consider, be open again. If he’s not from You, I shan’t take. From You, I shall fight. Please make me a true warrior princess, as what my name tells.
With my heart thumping, I’ll trust the new writer of my love story.
olympus xa3 kodak 200 iso 800
Heaven ‘n Eggs
Posted on: August 6, 2011
- In: art | career whims | travel
- 1 Comment
Dearest sister,
Do you remember our Heaven ‘n Eggs moment?
I can’t really remember the last time I was overjoyed and sad at the same time. I don’t even reckon it’s possible , but I am now.
Today is my first day of work for this small Italian caffe. With it is a small garden and six art galleries. I’m writing this during my break. It is such a lovely place. Summer is at its peak. Tiny insects and flowers that have colors unimaginable for me then, came out… for sure you know how I feel about that. I am writing this while sitting at the center of an art gallery. I will be a tad bit dramatic, but I want to cry. I can’t explain why, but it soon felt that way after the realization that I’m surrounded with art. Very much similar to our Heaven ‘n Eggs moment I must say, and I just wish I am with you right now.
It’s very difficult to explain and you know how bad I am in explaining things. But really, I mean how do you write love? I never really understood art even when I’m trying to do it. I don’t know a lot of artists or works, just a moment’s feel, yes. It has always been a feeling, has to be as confusing, just that, just like love. If it makes sense, you realize that’s not it. Why am I even saying this, you know this about me. I love art. And you, my sister.
Don’t worry, I’ll tell this much just for today. It will be about men, make up, and clothes again, I swear! haha!
Love lots,
Dadinha
It’s Free!
Posted on: June 8, 2011
While I was eating my lunch, my Romanian friend (who does not speak much English) kept telling me how bored she is. And so I invited her to run with me.
Me: Ok. you.want. run? (charades)
Her: Yes?… Room?
Me: Uh no! Outside. Road. Street. Out.
Then she went upstairs. I did not realize she was game with it and came suddenly downstairs fully clothed in running gear. Haha! With me hurrying to get dressed (because my friend is very excited) forgot my essentials, journal and camera. I was really incredulous for my stupidity because it was such a nice day and everything was just beautiful. But as I’ve said my friend is very excited and she kept telling me: No , no, we go. we go. – Fine.
The run was an easy paced one. I am quite surprised at how fit she is considering she is 39. I learned what tree fruit is good with lemon juice. I learned where the cemetery, nearest grocery, church, football field, tube, Olympic stadium, business center, etc. are. I learned a few about Romania, her love for her husband, and her family.
We were I think two miles away from our flat when I urged her for us to come back. No, it’s not because I’m tired (which I will not deny that I was, haha!). It’s because it started to pour. But she told me:
No we go! It’s free! No problem! Rain, not a problem!
We ran. We talked. We walked. I told her I will teach her English and give her job (ayan nadadagdagan tuloy life goals ko, haha!). When we understand each other, we laugh and when we do not, we still laugh. Imagine that. No pen. No paper. No camera. And yes my friend, just freedom.
Marybeth
Posted on: May 7, 2011
Marybeth. My mother’s name.
No Labels
I wish I could say, like everybody else, that my mom is my best friend or that I’m a momma’s girl. Unlike most people I know, I have a superbly imperfect relationship with my mother. My mom is different, she does not cook, does not do laundry or drops and picks up her daughters from school. She never combed my hair when I was little. When we’re at the mall, I feel that I’m with a four year old who I have to chase all the time. Literally. She likes buying clothes, lots of shoes, and tech stuff she doesn’t really know how to use. She likes expensive things and is very loud. Very loud, let me repeat that.
No Regrets
Growing up, me and my mom fought a lot. You must imagine how painful it is for my father to live with four hormonal ladies. My uncle who overhead our fight once even said, “you two should be in a TV drama series!” Yes, our words could sting like that. But I think in general, fights make any relationship stronger.
Just Love
I guess I was wrong in the first place to expect that every mom should cook, do the laundry or comb her daughter’s hair. My mom IS… a bisaya who makes us laugh without her realizing. If you’re a filipino and know Anabelle Rama, I’m sure you’ll have an idea what I mean. She is honest, persistent, brave, and says what she feels. My mom knows style. It’s amazing how I can turn to her and her closet for latest fashion trends. I think it is with her that I got my passion for art, books, and writing. My mom is the life of a party. She sings and dances – A LOT (and not just anything, but Lady Gaga songs, take note)!
My mom and I clash, but that’s just how we are. I know our relationship is better now, but for everything in the past, I am sorry. With us, there are no labels, no regrets, just love. Happy Mother’s Day Mama! Thank you. I love you.
this is a photo of my mom:
Kabowgera and nanay niyo! Haha! 50 years old!
Good Friday.
I know I’m suppose to write about meditation, prayer, and penitence, but no, all I can think about is how I had a love affair to a woody perennial.
We went to “Kamay ni Hesus” in Lucban Quezon as part of our Holy Week Penitence. The sun was particularly angry that day and since it is a sort of a hiking gig, I wore shorts. Big mistake. I learned later that this is not allowed. I had to stay and wait for them in the car.
It was very hot inside the car, but not knowing when they are going to come back, I thought it’s not very smart to turn on the aircon and burn up the gas. Good thing I have my laptop, cellphone, iPod, ice, water, chips, tweezers, alcohol, makeup kit … hhoo yes, I can survive.
NO. It turns out the sun was not just angry, I was fairly convinced it was trying to kill me. Sweat glands developed ADHD and after two hours of its wrath, I decided to head out to look for an overpriced ice cream.
I half ran-walk outside for the search but instead bumped into a guyabano tree. I will never forget how happy I felt with it’s breeze! Standing under it was actually the happiest part of my day. You must realize guyabano tree, I almost made love to you.
—–
I know I’m suppose to write about meditation, prayer, and penitence.
I guess Holy Week is not all about rituals, vigils OR vacations… It’s about trying to relearn Him, no matter how great or absurd the circumstance in your life may be. That day, I relearned HE is in nature. And that day, I fell in love with a tree.
DadaDoll 
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