You wonder, will it be the same, then.

While waiting for my friend, me and my other friend decided to look through pictures over the internet for wedding dresses. Giddily picking up on, clicking, and clicking… No wait…

No, of course not! Im not getting married.

While the thought of getting married is far off my mind, I am still a woman who also thinks about how I wish mine would be when I’m finally willing to be there.

I have already thought of three perfect settings. But actually two might do, as long as one would be at the church and one would be at the beach where everyone is freely dressed with uninhibited dancing to funky music! Just in pure good vibes.

The wedding gown for the church would be much of a paradox. Simple yet very detailed. I don’t want a petticoat-styled dress nor those heavy looking gowns packed with laces all over. A simple straight dress with cute tiny details embroidered, a tiny belt to accent – of contrast color – maybe black or yellow is what I want. I haven’t found any picture that resembles what I want, but the picture in my mind is very vivid! Arte! I don’t want the thing that’s covering the face. What’s it called? I want the hair to dabble freely with maybe a tiny flower or sort of tiara-like-tinee put on at the top. The flower I will be holding, will be really something. I don’t mind sharing my beauty with it. Haha! It will have its own story in itself. That beautiful! I love flowers. The wedding will be packed with greens. It would be really something, the potted arrangements, I swear. I don’t want a flashy wedding. Every piece that will be placed has a meaning, every detail counts, and it must have a connection to both our lives and is not just there because it’s beautiful or a fad. It’s there because it deserves to be a part of.

I’m not much of planner and I am sure tiny details might get changed or get tweaked, but that’s how I picture it at this very moment.

A fluky post.

No storm today!

I have been ultra melodramatic lately. I can’t help it. I do not know any Filipino (or even non-Filipino) who was not affected by storms that just hit our country. I have never been this empathic… and this thankful, that I am still here with my family.

For days a lot of us have moped, skip that now. I’m just happy we are all standing up and trying to help in one way or another. If I would be given a chance to choose to be pinoy again or not, I would without hesitation, be pinoy over and over again. I love my country. super lang.

Though what happened crushed souls, it makes you want to grab anything from life more!

I know it’s a bit early to start wrapping up my year, but so far, I am happy. Though it may look little to some people, this year I felt I’ve grown and experienced a lot. Discovered myself in becoming more fulfilled and now a lot more knowing of my passions in life.

I’ve read more. Played more. Painted a lot more. Sang and danced more. Met amazing new people. And just everyday getting fired up and inspired to live a full, happy life.

Me and my sister have made our bucket lists already, very LOOONG, so here’s just my own very-immediate-for-the-next-coming-months-sorta-bucket-list:

1. diver’s licence – I can now be officially called “master of intro dive”, hehe. I wonder how I have come to a lot of dives and never got myself a decent license. erm.
2. read more books – and articles.. and blogs… I know, sounds geeky, but when asked if you were in an island and asked to bring three things, one would be a great read.
3. violin – must study violin! cant let my violin rot like that, would be a big shame.
4. pottery – my friend introduced me to this and i am very very interested.
5. film animation – my main waterloo in art is cartoon making/animation, I am planning to learn more about this.
6. bonsai – i heard my friend saying taking care of a bonsai can be challenging. I love nature, very domesticated, but you know what they say, if all things fail to design and prove art, move to plants. Haha! Madaya to be frank because nature is an art on its own.
7. Hug more and kiss more – When language is a barrier, a kiss can settle everything bleak.

Sheesh! So many things to do! Exciting!

Great day today! OOH sun! Time to get started!

I was an addict.

I am about to make one of those shameless conclusions:

If you are addicted to something, OF COURSE, you are selfish.

Well, I am not talking about JUST addiction to smoking or drinking (of course those are default premises attached to addiction), but I am talking about addiction in most broad aspects of…everything! Addiction to food, money, family, friends, relationships, religion, prayer, fitness, music, art, whatever! I am putting this without exception, if you have any, whether it is for good or bad, heavenly or hell-ish, addiction is addiction. Selfish. Period.

I am selfish.

Boo!

For the past few days, I suffered overstretched hamstring. My god, who knew there is such a thing?! I overdid a lot of training, convincing myself that I was doing the right thing, that pain is part of everything, blah, blah, blah… of course I was rationalizing, I have most fun when I run and do capoeira. It’s when I feel most alive, I was addicted. Hence, the classic overdoing.

I know a lot of people who smoke, and I ask them why. Most of the time find myself wincing after the “wala lang” phrase from them. Hey, not that I am excusing myself from anything. I had my fair share. I smoked, but there’s this one person who asked me why (the only person who dared), and as soon as I found myself out of answer, I dropped everything. I just dropped smoking realizing it’s the most preposterous thing I have ever tried.

When you’re addicted to something you don’t care much about anything that may hinder it, you just do it over and over again in a pulse no hesitations. Hence, my conclusion for selfishness.

Shameless conclusion number two: When you can do everything in moderation, for sure you will succeed in life (and in anything else you want to succeed in).

We are slapped in the face with a lot of balance-driven practices and concepts, like so the chi, but I just realized my lack of care of it. For sure if we find balance in work and play, activity and rest, creating and destroying (hehe!)… everything did in proper moderation, we will be living a life so in bliss.

I was an addict. I overdid. These are just MY shameless conclusions, I don’t think they can be so agreeable.

Nevertheless, today, I will rest.

I just refuse to be selfish.